if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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