it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
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