Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
