Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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