so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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