Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
