you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
