I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
