pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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