nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
