Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
