Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
