one word: firstdatebathroomanal
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
