I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
