Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
