Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
