I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize
