shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
