I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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