____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
