Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
