you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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