Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
