She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
