is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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