I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
