So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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