Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
