PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
