dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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