we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
