I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
After last night, I could never be a politician.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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