Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
