i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Tornado booty call.. dedication
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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