Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
we're so committed to being not committed
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