shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
