Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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