we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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