Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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