I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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