What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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