booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
