dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
time to smoke my breakfast
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
