dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
