Just took my morning after pill in the library
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
