The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
