She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
