Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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