I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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