Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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