Swine flu. Run for my life!
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Randomize
