Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
