Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
